My Parents are Getting Divorced!!!
Separation and Divorce is a Big Stressor, Challenge, and Transition for all Families.
This Event is Hard for Everyone, especially Children. Whether you have one mom/one dad, two mommies, or two daddies. This is a time of grief and loss for everyone involved.
Dr. E! How can I help My Little(s) cope?
It is important to Share an age/developmentally appropriate Narrative with your Children. They do not need the gruesome adult details, but the more they are able to anticipate change, the better they are able to cope.
Yes! The Best practice is for children to know what to expect, especially when it’s a big change.
Yes! Even Infants/Toddlers deserve to know that change is coming.
No! They are not too young to know.
Why? Children will notice if an important member of their family is missing, or if they are now living in a different place with only ONE parent, when they have been accustomed to a Two-Parent household.
Do you like it when things are sprung on you?
Or, do you like to be prepared?
Do you like the rug pulled out from under you?
Or, do you like to have time/opportunity to get ready to adjust to changes?
As I said before, children do not need to know all the adult details, but they DESERVE to know that their life is about to go from One House to Two Houses.
What kind of relationship do you think you are developing with your child if you do not tell them the truth about what is happening around them? Does Your Avoidance nurture Trust or Mistrust with your Children?
I know that you're trying to do right by your children and protect them, but if you create dialogue, you're building a bridge to Healing.
By the way... Did you notice I didn’t say Home, but Houses? Why?
Whether your child is with you or your ex-partner (now, your CO-PARENT), your children should always feel at home, even though it is two different houses. Home is You and Your Children together. Even though you and your ex-partner (CO-PARENT) have decided that your path will no longer continue together as romantic partners, Your Co-Parenting Life has just begun and it’s POR VIDA (For Life).
For Life?!?! Si, Por Vida! Pero Porque?! But Why?!
Oh, let me tell you why...
Yes, it does not end at 18 (unless your cultural traditions and values dictate it is…)
However, after your Little is now the BIG 18, there are still more opportunities for sharing space.
Sharing Space?!?
Yes, like Birthdays/Milestones, Graduations, Engagements, Marriages, Baby Showers, Grandchildren’s Birth, Baptisms/Presentations, etc…
Not just celebrations, but in time of Hardships when Community and being Connected is so important.
You want the best outcome for your children?
First: Both Parents need to engage in their own Self-Regulation!
Second: Be Child-Centered, so that your Little(s) always feel Loved & Supported by both of you and not torn apart.
Third: You do not need to be friends with your ex, but you Do need to Effectively Co-Parent, for your Child's Emotional and Mental Well-Being.
Fourth: Want more support? Want to consult? Let's Connect!
Please note that a blog post is not medical advice nor does it mean the reader and I have entered into a therapeutic relationship.