Yelling + Yelling = Frustration
“Dr. Espinoza! How do I not lose my $#!T with my two Babies?” - Mother of 2 Daughters
Answer:
First, Anger is okay. All Emotions are Valid. What is not okay is taking your anger (negative feelings) out (Yelling/Screaming) on your Littles. Excuse Yourself. Take a break. Go into another room. Reset.
Second, come back only when you are calm. If your Littles are anxious for your return. Use your voice as the calming agent, “Momma will be right back.”
Remember:
If you are not able to stay Calm/Regulated while your Little is Dysregulated, then all you’ll end up with is FRUSTRATION!
How do you decrease frustration? CALM DOWN. Yes, that is the answer. I know. It is easier said than done.
When we are having BIG FEELINGS, we cannot Reason or Reflect! What we need is to REGULATE.
Brain Science: We cannot access the Prefrontal Cortex that houses our Executive Functioning Skills when we are dysregulated.
What does this mean?
When we are having Big Feelings, we cannot:
- Problem Solve
- Actively Listen
- Be Present
- Connect
Dr. Bruce Perry said it best, “A dysregulated adult can NEVER REGULATE a dysregulated child.”
Reflective Parenting Program
Reflective Parenting talks about the Window of Reflection, which we can access when we are calm. As soon as we step out of that window, we are not our Optimal Selves. When parenting Littles, we are at times re-parenting ourselves because we are daring to do something different than what we knew growing up.
Want to know more about Reflective Parenting and how to stay calm when your Littles are Dysregulated?
Please note that a blog post is not medical advice nor does it mean the reader and I have entered into a therapeutic relationship.